Today I was pretty down. I was low on sleep, work was stressful, and I just felt like lying on my bed and being emo. Sometimes, we just like to build our hopes and expectations so high because it feels so nice to hope and dream and pretend that the fairy tale ending is just around the corner. Which is dumb because it hurts all the more when you turn that corner and find that unforgiving brick wall instead.
But I had a long talk with my friend, and I came to realize something: at the end of the day, it all really does not matter. Because that's just life. You get loads and loads of crap, and out of every 100 of them you may just find that one little nugget of gold. Maybe. But that's ok...it's enough to fuel that stupid senseless hope you can get so high off of, enough to keep you going through the never-ending crap of life. And that little nugget of gold at the end is enough to compensate for all the crap you get the rest of the time.
And really, what else can we do? We're humans with human fallacies and faults and mistakes. So all we can really do is continue to grope blindly in the dark, tripping over our feet until we finally get it right. But really, how am I going to know what I really want in life if I don't try new experiences? It is our very mistakes that make us who we are. And from there, we learn what is right and what is wrong, and then we pick ourselves back up off the ground and move on with no regrets. If anything, we've gained, not lost, in wisdom and newfound confidence.
And honestly...I need to stop complaining about my luck. I've found a cheap home in the best location possible, when so many others haven't. I've gotten into a legit medical school when so many others have been rejected. I've found myself not one, but TWO awesome paid internships, one which I had the option of rejecting on a whim and the other which can lead indirectly to me finding a potential job next year with the specialty I am actually interested in - when so many others can't even find unpaid volunteering opportunities. Yet, somehow, I am still not happy. Somehow, I still have the audacity to complain about my luck.
So after all that (all of which took place at a bar over loud pulsating music, oddly enough), I decided to go home feeling much happier with myself. There's always some point when you realize that you are being ridiculous, and it is then you tell yourself that it's time to feel awesome instead.